There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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