Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I need to stop coming to work sober
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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