I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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