I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
tell me about the eggs
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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