watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
