Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
