You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
