She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
