Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
