Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
