Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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