So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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