last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
