You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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