scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize