Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize