homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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