so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
