Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
