We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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