I think im going to throw up on grandma
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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