just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
