there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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