I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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