i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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