I met the friendliest cop last night
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
