SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
