It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
