Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
