My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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