Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
