tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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