I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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