Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
