Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
