She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
