yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
