Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
