On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
