Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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