guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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