ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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