So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
