i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
