He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
And then my night got REAL pukey
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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