I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
