Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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