Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
