I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
