just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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