First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
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