I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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