Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
