i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
