just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize