Only a mothe r could love this liver
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
