Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
