you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
