i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize