I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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