Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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