he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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