And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well I just put wine in my tea
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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