Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i just had sex bonerless
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
